


Heartbreak always hurts

by Trans_N_Pans



Series: Heartstrings [5]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Feels, Anxiety, Backstory, Bisexual Thomas Jefferson, But he keeps fucking things up, Character Death, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fear of Death, Heartbreak, Just not yet, M/M, Martha is actual sunlight, Minor Character Death, Multi, Separation Anxiety, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Thomas just wants to be happy, Trans Alexander Hamilton, fear of being alone, thomas is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24923263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trans_N_Pans/pseuds/Trans_N_Pans
Summary: "Promise we'll be together forever?" Thomas used to ask when they were growing up...and Martha would grin with the brightness of a thousand stars."Until the sun fades out, Tommy"Thomas really believed those words..up until the day they were no longer true..
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson, Martha Wayles Jefferson/Thomas Jefferson
Series: Heartstrings [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/852282
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	Heartbreak always hurts

**Author's Note:**

> Some backstory on Thomas and his original soulmate ♥️

Thomas at one point would consider himself a happy man. He was born into a happy, middle class, home. His mother and father were kind people who took good care of himself and his siblings. Sure, they didn't exactly agree with certain things in the world, but they weren't hateful.

The one person who made Thomas's world the happiest, though, was Martha.

Martha was a walking ray of sunlight. Wherever she went, she was able to make others smile. Thomas..he really loved her. Himself and Martha had been friends since birth, soulmates as well. The stars had aligned for them and they were happy.

_"Promise we'll be together forever?"_ Thomas used to ask when they were growing up...and Martha would grin with the brightness of a thousand stars.

_"Until the sun fades out, Tommy"_

Thomas really believed those words..up until the day they were no longer true..

* * *

It was a cool day in spring. Thomas had just gotten home from school with Martha. They were seniors, mere months from graduation.

"Mama! Martha and I are back!" Thomas called as they stepped inside. Martha was leaning into his shoulder, sitting with him on the couch once they left their shoes at the door.

"Oh? You two didn't stay after school?" His mother left from the kitchen, wiping her hands off on the apron tied around her waist. Martha laughed softly and shook her head.

"Oh no, I wasn't feeling that well so we just came on back. My mom said it was okay for me to come over to do homework with Thomas." She said softly, making Thomas's mother smile fondly.

"You know we love having you over, Martha. You wanna stay for dinner, sweetheart? I'm making my casserole tonight" his mother grinned from the doorway.

"Oh, miss Jefferson, you know I could never turn away your cooking. After I get my work done, I can come help you with dinner" Martha mused. Thomas felt his heart flutter as he smiled fondly at her. He had never felt love like this before... Thomas was thankful to be as lucky in his life as he had been. Not many could say they had known their soulmate since birth.

"Let me run to the bathroom real fast, then I can try to help your son with his chemistry homework" Martha teased, kissing his cheek. Thomas snickered, grinning as he shook his head.

"If anyone can help me pull my grade up, it'll be you, darlin.." Thomas mused. He watched as Martha stood and walked across the room. His smile faded a little as she stopped and seemed to sway.

"Martha…?" Thomas asked and she shook her head.

"Sorry..I felt a little…" Martha's voice trailed off and with it her body crumbled to the floor.

  
  


Time passed in slow motion for Thomas as he rushed to her. His surroundings were a blur..his house...the ambulance ride...her hospital room. He couldn't remember the words of comfort his mother gave him. All Thomas could see or think about was his soulmate... nothing else in the world mattered

"Hunny..?" His mother's voice broke through the haze. Thomas looked away from his sleeping soulmate, eyes wet from tears.

"What did the doctor say is wrong with her..?" He asked, holding Martha's hand. His mother paused and sighed, pulling a chair over.

"It's her heart, dear..her parents said that she didn't have a strong heart, but her doctors assured them Martha could live a long and healthy life despite it...I..I'm sorry Tommy. They said it could be two months..or two years for her... Martha's heart just can't hold up anymore.." his mother's voice broke, but Thomas couldnt heart anything over the blood rushing in his ears. His heart was beating so hard, he wouldn't be surprised if others could hear it.

"...I want to tell her when she wakes up..she deserves to hear it from me…" Thomas's voice was so.. empty..broken. His whole world was crumbling in front of him. 

"I understand dear..I'll go talk to her parents. We'll let you be alone with her. Let us know when she wakes up, so her parents can visit with her too…" His mother said softly, leaving him alone with his love.

There was no telling how long Thomas had sat there. It could have been minutes, or an hour...he had been talking to Martha the entire time, just waiting for her to wake up. There was nothing keeping her from waking, but where she hit her head in the fall, there was no way to know how long it would take. 

"I'm sorry Martha... I should have realized something was wrong when you said you were feeling sick in French class…" Thomas mumbled as he stroked her hand with his thumb. He looked at their soulstring that connected them, feeling the tears welling up again. Once she was...gone, that string would go with her, taking all forms of color with it.

"Why you crying, sunshine..?" The gentle voice and hand on his cheek made Thomas jump. Martha was looking at him with tired eyes and concern. Of course she was worried about him..she always worried about everyone but herself.

"Darlin.." Thomas breathed out, his voice wavering. Martha stroked his cheek and smiled sadly.

"Guess this means I'm not doing too good, huh.." Her voice didn't hold any fear or sadness..it was as if she had already accepted whatever Thomas was going to tell her.

"No...n..no, you're not. I...they said it's your heart..it's..they told our parents that it could be anywhere between two weeks and two years before it gives out...I'm...god, I'm so sorry Martha…" The tears were running freely down Thomas's face, being wiped away by Martha.

"Shh..it's okay Tommy..I knew this might happen one day...it's gonna be okay...Even if I don't have long, we'll make the most of what time I have left. I'll take care of myself so we can have the most time possible with each other…" She said gently, Thomas leaning into her touch.

"Let's run away together" He said suddenly, looking at her seriously.

"To where…?" Martha asked, Thomas moving to sit next to her on the hospital bed.

"Paris..let's go and get married in Paris like you always wanted..spend the last of our time together there... just me and you" Thomas said seriously, holding her hand firmly in his own.

"What about school..? I don't want you to have to lose graduation for me…" Martha murmured. 

"I'm sure there's an exception to be made with these circumstances..we can graduate early... just say yes and I'll take care of you..till death does us part" Thomas said, holding back his tears as he brought her hand to his lips, kissing where the string tied to her finger. For a moment, there was silence.. then Martha leaned in to kiss his cheek.

"I'll go to the ends of the Earth for you, Tommy..you know that..till the sun fades out" A tear finally slipped down her cheek as Thomas pressed a kiss to Martha's lips.

* * *

The wedding was planned as soon as possible. Thomas had already decided if they couldn't graduate early, he'd just drop out and get his GED after everything was said and done. Thankfully, that didn't have to happen. Whatever their parents said to the school seemed to convince them of the direness in the situation. 

While they both had diplomas, they knew only one would be used in the future.

Thomas had made it very clear to their parents that they could help him fulfill Martha's last wishes, or they could stay out of his way while he did it himself. Of course, there had been no arguments. If Martha had only so long to live, they would help in any way they could.

The wedding had been beautiful. Small and personal, in the soulmates favorite city. Paris was beautiful in the spring, but nothing could have compared to Martha's beauty. They had made it past the two week mark, so now every day could be the one that would take Martha from him. 

It was nerve wracking as they moved into Thomas's family summer home. He insisted that she not lift a finger to unpack. Their families were going to provide money for them to live off of, so Thomas and Martha could spend as much time together as possible. Thomas wouldn't care to work, but he was happy to spend every waking moment with Martha.

The first months was when he noticed her decline. Nothing drastic, but she was becoming weaker...and by the end of the first year together, Martha was on oxygen. Somehow, through all of this, she had been the same positive ray of sun as always. Even when she seemed scared, Martha would smile at Thomas and tell him it would be okay.

Thomas thought he had experienced heartbreak when he was told of Martha's inevitable death...but he felt his heart shatter when she passed, waking to find his world devoid of color.

Martha had died peacefully in her sleep not long before her 19th birthday. They had spent the last year and a half together, but now, his wife was gone, taking her light with her.

* * *

Six long, empty, years had passed since Martha's passing. Thomas had one solace through his grieving, another little red string attached to his finger. Growing up, Martha had never been jealous about Thomas having a second soulmate. It made her happy, she would say. Martha would never say why until days before she passed.

_"I always knew this might happen...so I was happy, knowing you could have another chance at love after I died…"_

Thomas could still hear her voice occasionally, reminding him it was okay to move on. Oh how he wished it to be that easy. Still, Thomas found great comfort in knowing he had someone else out there meant for him. There were days he still had nightmares, though…

In these dreams, he would be going about his life, only to watch as his soulstring faded away and vanished. He would wake himself up crying every time... begging them not to leave him too. No matter what time of night these terrors would wake him at, he could pull on the string and get a pull back. It wasn't much, in reality, but to Thomas...it was a relief. It was the comfort in knowing his soulmate was there and alive.

Those little pulls were the only thing that could quell his anxiety. Martha was the only one before that could help him..and some days Thomas just felt so lost, but one little tug from his string could make it all melt away.

* * *

Thomas didn't think he could experience heartbreak like he had the first time..maybe he never would truly have the same feeling, but pain was pain. He had always imagined meeting his second soulmate would be a happy moment.. something he had been eagerly awaiting…

That is, until he got what he asked for.

Alexander Hamilton Washington had been the bane of Thomas's existence since the day Alex was accepted to Yorktown University. The younger man was arrogant and loud and just a general pain in the ass...and unfortunately they had many classes together, seeing as they were on a similar career path. Thomas made it his goal to avoid Alex as much as possible outside of class. The last thing he wanted was to start a fight. Thomas had made some...regrettable decisions as well when they first met, but he has yet to stoop that low again. 

God, Martha would have chewed him out if she had known Thomas blackmailed someone..even if that someone seemed to deserve it.

The heartbreak came very soon after Thomas met his soulmate again...when he learned that his soulmate was none other than Hamilton..

Of course, knowing who his soulmate was didn't bring forth the pain..it was his own stupidity. His own guilt and fears that manifested into anger. 

Thomas could say one thing, himself and Alex were both good at pushing people away. He didn't know Alex's reasons, but he knew his own. If Thomas didn't let anyone in, then there was no way he could lose them...and that bad habit reared its ugly head when Thomas tried to have a civil lunch with Alex…

_"Oh thats rich! I at least have a little self care for myself. What about you? No one wears long sleeves in 90 degree weather"_

Thomas still couldn't believe he had said that to his fucking _soulmate_. There was no excuse for his actions, but it was too late to take back the words. He had to watch as his cosmic other half stormed off, his heart shattering for the second time in his life. One look at his hand and he could see the string that tied them together. It looked like a thread that was starting to break...a tear slipped down Thomas's cheek as he stood to leave as well.

Was it possible to die of a broken heart…?


End file.
